I write from the aftermath of an anxiety filled evening where tears gently streamed down my cheeks and my other half soothed me with support and wisdom I can’t often comprehend.
When I woke in the night I felt connected to my mum and her suffering. Her maybe thoughts such as “I’m a burden”. Questions like “how can I expect anyone to live with/love me when I face depression and anxiety on a weekly basis?” Sad mind processes don’t you think? From an outsider in, that would make me really sad to read. What if that’s your reality though?
Many people, sadly me included, face daily battles and thoughts like this. We’re exhausted with our own struggle, lose strength and most days are hard to climb, not walk.
You question your identity regularly. On a good day, you live with and manage your mental illness. Sometimes wondering if you still have it. On a bad day, you feel that you are your mental illness. It’s like weight lifting when you’ve had no training – All. Day. Long.
Sometimes loved ones may offer to carry a weight for you. You are overwhelmed with appreciation. Why would anyone want to take this ugly mammoth weight, when they know it’s not a one off? When week in week out they’d have to commit to that.
Being a ‘fairly’ (right now; on the skin on my teeth type) functioning person living with mental illness makes you feel like a fake. People see you carry on. They see you smile. They see you laugh.
She’s fine. Oh she must be better now
Arghhh. It doesn’t work like that.
Today (I hope) I’m going to get through the working day and guess what? I have a party tonight. One I’m really looking forward to. Guess double what? I’m going to take pictures because it’s not often I get to dress up and go to a nice event. Guess triple what? A whole bunch of people will think that those pictures are representative of the every day. Because that’s what social media does. A great campaign by Write Mynd are looking at #TheFullStory and this post is my advance.
Believe it or not, I’m very grateful for my life. Very. I’m blessed in many ways. But I live with an every day illness. An invisible one.
Only those extremely close to me will understand the struggle and see #TheFullStory
It’s hard to be brave…but I’ll try my hardest. Whenever and wherever I can.
Abs 💛 what’s your #TheFullStory ? Let Write Mynd know…