(Oo how formal of me to address you like that!)
I hope you are well.
Just on my way back from celebrating a friend’s wonderful news and promotion 💫 also a good heart to heart thrown in the mix 💕 (me and my deep self somehow value the meaningful conversations about life, journeys and purposes more than a good chit chatter or gossip) … I feel like it’s weird but actually I like it about myself. I think over the time I’ve spent writing this blog so far I’ve really began to accept myself, oddities and all. People will say I’m not odd, just ‘me’ … so maybe not quite accepted myself just yet as I feel the need to justify my every thought, feeling and behaviour, but I still feel I’ve come a far way..through the works…go me 💫…
So … ‘through the works’…and on the subject of liking a deep and meaningful over chit chat…it’s been a bit of an overwhelming few days. (Still content may I add!) 🙌🏻…but basically, this whole discovering or rediscovering myself through writing and bonding with people like no other is so heartening (in a good way) it’s actually quite hard to digest. I’m not sure if I’ve written before about the feelings of overwhelm even when things are in abundance going well…and how it’s just as hard to manage those feelings like when things are tough…but it’s pretty much that.
I’ve had conversations over the weekend that confirm that it’s not just me that’s accepts myself and my mental health problems (as up and down as a yoyo on steroids… stuck on a fast forward button of a remote control…=up and down extreeeeme) but my family and friends too.
Words from sunflower’s sister, “I think you may always be like this Abs” (in response to me questioning my up and down cycles)…”and we love you throughout, no matter what”… How lovely is that? Words from one my friends who has seen me breakdown but also someone I have hysterical fits of laughter with…”no, I don’t think you’ve gotten worse, I think you’ve become more aware, and you’re accepting yourself…we love you no matter what”. Through the works my ‘suicide taboo and life without you’ partner have been and we’re here on this journey speaking from the bottom of our hearts, baring our souls and honouring our loved ones, together.
Phewf…going ‘through the works’ is like a form of tough love. Realising our journeys as cliche as it sounds is so vital, to me anyway.
My friend’s promotion today and thinking about her journey. One of my volunteers got a job she’d been pushing for and I’d been working on with her and her journey. Going through the works to me means ‘working’ during your journey but not always associating ‘work’ negatively. Is it tiring, draining and hard at times? Sure. But this is when you learn the most.
We’re all on a journey. People may not always understand it. You may not either, especially when you’re stuck in thick mud or depression and anxiety swallow you whole and don’t spit you out for a while until it decides to….in a pile of goo with sinking sand around…but your journey is what you make of it. I truly believe this.
I’ve learned so much about who comes with me ‘through the works’, the highs and lows and who stays behind or lingers in the shadows until the darkness passes. I’ve learned who I can be ‘me’ around when I’m so low I don’t recognise myself or so anxious I feel scared and ashamed.
Pick your cherries carefully. Do you want quality or quantity? Careful who you put in your basket! MnS for me please…😋
Lots of love, through the works…Abz X 💚